Mad Movie Guy

Before I get into what will probably make you all want to have me committed to a padded room, or make me go “live on a farm, so he can run free”, Im gonna give you a little background into this dream, not that I have much of anything, but I do know that last night I woke up around 3 (I get up at 4), and had a diet orange sunkist and a smoke for some reason, I dont know why, but I was up, and that combo could not be denied. Afterwards, I laid back in bed, hoping to get to sleep a little bit longer before the dreaded sound of the alarm clock went off, it was getting close to 320 am, and I was thinking that I probably wouldnt get much sleep in, then apparently, and suddenly, I drifted off to to the wolf dream, which for me, is that dream like place where everything is still out of hand like in a dream, but I feel more like Im actually there…..

Last week, 24 hours before I saw the new batman movie, I sat through M. Night Shamalamadingdong’s newest movie. It was bad, and I needed to rant about it, but I also needed a measuring stick, so I went with the uberbomb “Gigli”

Ever have one of those events in your life, that makes you question everything about who you are, and the persona that you put forth to the world ? Where your not sure which way is up and everything around you is a swirling mass of confusion and chaos ? And Im not talking about “drinking too much Jim Beam and crying your eyes out to National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation alone on christmas eve” Im talking about reality slamming the door in your face. Well that happened to me twice today, once before I went to work, and once when I got home. This morning, all was well and good in the world, I was feeling pretty good, I think, cuase I finally got to fit into this shirt I bought a few months ago, but when I got it, it was slighly too small, but I rocked it pretty good today, I felt confident, I was ready to head out into the world, so I opened the door, to a menacing eight legged merchant of death hanging down in the center of my fucking exit. Now here is where I am confused, instead of screaming like a girl, and running up to my roommates room to get his gun, I flipped on the light, and actually used my fucking hand to break the web and bring the spider crashing down to the floor, which I had initially hoped would fall in a place outside, so I could smash him to death-a-doodle-doo with my shoes. Again with out hesitation or panic, I flipped on a light, and found that it was still too dark to see him fully, but I saw the little fucker hiding in the corner, as if he sensed that I wasnt about to have shit, and I was gonna kill him like it was a vampire and on this day, I just so happened to be George Clooney. So I went and got a flashlight, aimed it at the little bastard from spider island, and proceeded to jam a wooden stake through its heart, truthfully it was neither wooden or a stake, it was my car keys, which meant that my hand would be with in the spiders jump attack raduis, after I ensured its demise, I went along my day, and of course admired my reflection anytime I saw myself in the shirt. Now here is where the story gets interesting, first thing home from the store after work, I was unloading the groceries and thinking to myself how I should write a blog about my calm ninja like attack on the mutant from hell just 9 hours and 37 mins prior, as I went to put the spinach in the fridge, I noticed another spider, not very big, hanging from a web, which was attached to my arm, at which point I said aloud no less “Not today fucker” and I reached over and smashed it with my bare hands. Now Im not saying Im cured of my fear or anything along those lines, and these were not of the super large mega scary crazy evil sort, but it does make someone wonder what else they are capable of becoming, and what else they can do that the previously thought impossible, or were hindered by their own minds. Unrelated note, I must go now, I have to watch Gigli.

When I was a wee lad, going to the movies was a different thing, flash back 14 years, and I remember reading a clipping in the newspaper about how Val Kilmer would be taking over for Michael Keaton as Batman, I was stoked out of my mind, because I had recently seen Tombstone, and Val’s portrayal of Doc Holiday was one for the ages, and I have been a huge fan of his ever since, and when I found out he was going to be playing Batman, I was beyond stoked, but that was it untill the previews started hitting the TV, thats all I knew about the movie of course I heard other casting rumors through sources like Entertainment weekely (which I read cover to cover every week for several years). Now a days, with the internets such a large part of our daily routines, it can place a movie fan in a very dangerous predicament. There are casting rumors, and script reviews, and set visits, and viral campaigns, and heaps and heaps of advanced screening reviews. The first reviews for The Dark Knight began hitting the interwebs monthes ago, and in the last two weeks, they were everywhere. I read a lot of these reviews, which is not always a good idea, I always closed the webpage when I felt like I was getting to close to a spoiler of anykind (which I will try to fully avoid). I had read some mind blowing reviews, and was getting overly excited, which tends to happen, and often backfires, Indiana Jones 4 is a prime example of a film that could not live up to expectations, and I knew that I had even higher hopes, and even loftier expectations for The Dark Knight, which like I said is a dangerous thing. But I could not be stopped, I wanted to read more about Heath Ledger, and the film in general. Because I have been a giant “Bat-fan” since Batman and Robin first showed up on scooby doo (that was my introduction to them) then as a young child, I was immersed into the TV show, and campy movie, which while they are very campy and silly, they hold a very special place in the history of Batman.

One more thing which I realized today, was that exactly 1 year ago today, I started myself on a path of diet and excersise, so Im going to give a small yearly report. I weighed myself today, and I weigh exactly 100 pounds less than I did 1 year ago today. This is the second time in my life that I have lost 100 pounds in a year, the first time, was for a shitload of money and I was highly motivated, then I went through what I like to call the dark times, and I saw a picture of myself on the last day in Ithaca, I realized that I was back to the place I never wanted to be, so I told myself I would get back to where I was, at first I did a few weight loss contests at work, and won a few hundred dollars, cause I was an unstoppable force, I also used motivation of going to my high school reunion and actually looking better than I did back then to guide me through, for a while there after my apartment burnt, I lost some of my motivation again, so I told myself I would not allow myself to shave my beard untill I got down to 250 pounds, that worked and I had a huge beard, cause it took a while to drop the 35 pounds to get me to that goal, but I had to do it before the summer, and I of course did. Ive also put in some good work with books about Buddism and Taoism, as there were some certain things about me, that were mentally unhealthy as much as I was physically out of shape. I cant honestly say that when I look in the mirror I see today the guy that I want to see, but Im at a point where I dont see the guy who went to Ithaca last summer, hes gone, this time he isnt going to be back either. All those public goals and prizes were true and good on some levels, but it wasn’t totally the truth behind it all, to be totally honest with everyone, I’ve gotta be ready, cause the next time I meet a smart, funny, beautiful woman, Im not going to lack the self confidence that I havent had for years. Also, countless times in the last year, people have come up to me, and told me I looked good, and given me their approval for the work that I have put in, and I like a royal fucking asshole, refused to accept their kind words, and often times through it back in their faces, at the time, I wasnt able to accept their kindness as anything other than sarcasm, maybe it was an internal way of motivating myself, and continuing to push myself, so I didnt fall back into to my past ways and lose my focus. So for those of you out there, who had offered your kind words over the last year, and I was ungrateful enough to come back with something rude, or dismissive, I am deeply sorry, and I hope you accept my most sincere appologies, and at the same time, I want to thank you for the same words, even though at the time, I acted as if did not appriciate them, I used them to go from bordering on the worst shape of my life, to where I am at today, where I can officially say “I am in the best shape of my life”, I appriciate those words now, so once more, thank you. I still have goals, and Im not quite there, even when I do get there, I wont let myself get too comfortable, cause this is it for me, Im not letting Fat Jesse come back this time, I let him back once, but it was just an encore. He has left the building.