The album is mindblowing. Words and phrases like epic, personal album of the year (I don’t even know if the Matt Costa could top this for me, hes the only one who has a shot though), seemless 17 part masterwork, “ear movie”, cant really do it justice. You gotta hear it, you gotta fucking feel it, in your own way, jack into the matrix and go man.

So I started it, and the shit starts off with complete silence, and then sound, thats when I put on the glasses, cause it just got bright in the theater. Checked the clock a couple times during the first 2 songs, sat there, got into it more and more, its a grabber, sunkist helps, then its not loud enough, so I crank it, cause at that point Im gone, its got me, so I dont care who hears it. Got up, had a cig, played a little slow air guitar with my shirt open, I think some chick in a jeep saw me, but I kept rocking anyways, I was wearing glasses and clearly in and orange haze, so fuck it right, gotta roll with it. Came back in, sat down a little bit, music keeps out doing the song before it, and I cant fucking sit still yo. Air drums now, at my chair, yeah I said it, YEAH I DID IT. Stand up, epic rise in the music, and I do the jesus, you know where you stand there, and stretch your arms out and tilt your head, and you let the music shower you with sound tickles. For those of you offended by that, remember Im a Reverend, its part of my job right, and its sunday. There is a frenchy sounding song, and I stumble around my apartment “acting” like Im kinda buzzed. Which goes into the half and half of the previous two, which essentially looks like Val Kilmers portrayal of Jim Morrison. So I keep doing this for a while, listening to the music, and just moving around my living room and kitchen, in a wildly bizarre kind of interpretive dance to the music which at times must have looked like some kind of swahili mate/war dance. I really wanted drums too, fucking just felt like I was missing some damned drums, and not like a drumset, a war drum, like from The Visitor. Oh this seems like as good a time as any to mention that I did break up all this insanity with bouts of raging on my weights, so I did get plenty of good excersize. Then I stood still for a while and just moved my hands in herkey jerky movements, oooohhh which turned into a new dance move that Im gonna have sweeping the fucking country by dawn. I call it… The Marrionette, its where you stomp around your apartment like your godzilla, only godzilla controlling two Puppets, and you can make up who ever you want the two puppets too be, and what kind of demise they are getting, its fucking sweet, looks badass, and its emotionally healthy. Seriously, I just won all the dancing reality shows. Nah, really it was madness, I think at one point I did the chorus line, thankfully, I can see all of my egos in my head at all times, and after a brief talking too, they all stepped into line. Im not promise anything, but there may have been one fleeting moment there, where I held a candle and not played air guitar, or air drums, but air-walked-down the isle like a donkey, with a ghost bride. Again, no promises, and Im not saying if I was the bride or the donkey, so you can eat it. I held the bottle of sunkis dancing around like I was underwater, but had to put it down cause I suddenly began air conducting a fucking orchestra in my brain. I did the surfboard on the couch for like 6 mins, then with my eyes closed into some kind fireworks hand exploding gestures. I button up that fucking shirt, cause now I gotta salute, like a soldier, then dance like a robot, but not for too long cause then I remembered the Marionette, and I ripped my shirt, and did the rocky balboa, and I pretend its Jesse and Celine from this mornings viewing of before sunset, and I reenact the sequel, marionette style, even though you know your gonna fucking be watching it later on, errrr, umm… I meant you call up Chuck Norris ahh Im not kidding anyone at this point. As it finished, you did a tribal war pace, and pondered your very existence, an existence where time has flown by, as you realize the final song ends, and you checked what time it was. Now for anyone who tried to text me, or call during that little spell, I do appologize, I had to silence the cell, brahs, totally fuckin incomminicado, off the grid, had to go dark for that one, to get to a way different place, because, well, apparently, the album turns you into Matthew Mcconaughey.

Now that you’ve read that blog, as an added bonus and end game mind fuck, ya’ll can figure out what kind of blog that was.

A: My impression of Matthew Mcconaughey
B: A real album review, but no specifics mentioned to avoid getting in trouble.
C: Part of a Viral Marketing Blitz, but not for the Album, for an entirely different project all together.
D: All of the above.

Duck Tales Vol 3 and The Movie
I picked these up because I have a deep love for the Tales of Duck, and I now have something like 76 of the 100 episodes, and the movie. I dont know when the hell Volume 4 will be coming out, but you can bet my sweet ass Im gonna order that, and then delve into a 4 day bender of animated delight.

Step into Liquid Blu-Ray
Pretty movie, prettier format, well worth the 12 dollar fee to upgrade to full HD. I have no issues with that.

Numb
I bought this cause it sounded decent, and has Matthew Perry in it, and I had to buy one movie that I have not seen. Its a habit, why break it now.

Margot at the Wedding
Dark comedy, loved it in the theaters have not seen it since.

Waitress
I seriously dig the shit out of this movie, and really only bought it so I would be able to give my mom her copy back, cause as of this morning, I had zero intentions of giving it back untill she asked for it, cause thats a movie, that I love to throw in on whim and just giggle.

Lars and the Real Girl
GREAT movie, and one of my all time favorite lines, which I will put in my top lines list, if I ever get off my ass and put it up, but then again, I made a promise I would, and I usually dont fail a promise. So you can count on it at some point soon.

The Darjeeling Limited
The final disc in my Wes Anderson Collection.

Speaking of collections, today I kinda snapped, and did a complete overhaul on the way my shelf is ordered, they are no longer vertical, they are now laying horizontal and grouped into their own catagories. The main reason I did this, is cause alphabetizing shit is for libraries.

Independent Films
Big Effects Movies (I have less of these than I thought)
TV Series
Scifi/Horror (I have more of these than I thought)
Disney
R-Rated Comedies
All other Comedies (except for….)
Romantic Comedies (oh and….)
Christmas Movies
Movies Ive Never Seen
Sports Movies
Superhero
INdependent/Artsy Fartsy
James Bond Super Badass Collection
Kevin Smith (Who has my animated clerks)
Wes Anderson (Now Completed)
Broken Lizard
War
Historical Epics
Documentaries
Lord of the Rings
Val Kilmer Movies that dont fall into a different sub category
Jerry Bruckheimer
Old School action movies
Criterion Collections
The Solid Drama’s
80’s and Early 90’s
True Stories
Best of the Best (Not the kicking in the face movie, more like my favorites of all time)
Oh and movies that just dont fit into any of those other groups, like 8 mile, who fucking cares.

Well thats it for now, Im gonna go cook some dinner and spend some time with Hillary Duff watching the perfect man for the, ummmm, third time. Yeah that sounds right.

Peace.

Heath Ledger is going to win Best Supporting Actor, cause he is dead, and because everybody knows he should have won for Brokeback Mountain, that being said, his preformance in The Dark Knight, was as good as Day Lewis’s in There will be Blood. So he wins. No question about it.

Penelope Cruz is gonna win for Best Supporting Actress, because she was in a movie directed by Woody Allen, yes apparently thats all it takes, even to get this filthy wet rat a fucking gold statue.

Kate Winslet is going to win Best Actress for The Reader, cause she got naked, and played a Nazi, most actresses try one or the other to get an oscar, she did em both, she should have played a naked nazi retard and gone for the fucking triple crown.

Mickey Rourke is going to win Best Actor, while I havent Seen Milk and I hear Sean Penn does such a fine job he dissappears in the Role, Rourke bears his soul, and shows people who he is, which is much more of a challenge, to be brutally honest with yourself, and have it captured on film, for all of History.

Danny Boyle will win a Best Directing award, even though Slumdog wasnt even his best movie, he has been making a name for himself for quite a while, and has a very vast and impressive resume. He deserves the award in general, so he will get it for this.

Slumdog Millionaire is your next best picture, why ? Because I fucking said so. Unless Jack Nicholson Goes up there, and doesnt read the right name off the card. Yes Im still bitter about Brokeback.

Well thats it, I hope you all enjoy watching the oscars, I will try too, but no promises. Hopefully this year I will avoid monthes of therapy, cause I had this reoccurring dream we here tiny gold men are raping me.

So then I went down to the mall, to do my annual “im gonna go see a chick flick alone” deal. Normally, people dont say anything, this year people got a bit nosey, the bubbly 17 year old who sold me the ticket, was like “where is your valentine” and I couldnt crush her spirit, cause shes still young and hasnt seen all the shit yet, and is still optimisitic probably, so i told her that My fiancee was on a business trip, and she was going to see it at the same time as me only on the east coast, and she was like awwwww. What ever, then the ticket tearing old bird asked me a similar question, and she had clearly been burnt by life, I mean your pushing 67 and your tearing tickets at the movie theater, youve seen some shit, so I told her that my girlfriend recently died, and walked off. The third person I talked to was the half baked dipshit slinging overpriced popcorn, I knew that he was stoned, cause he took forever to put the popcorn in the bag, and looked like he was on another planet, oh, and when I asked for a bottle of water he kind looked down to the end of the counter where the water cooler was, and looked pretty upset about the distance that he had to travel to get me said water.

Anyways, the movie was kind of a mess, I went and saw “He’s just not that into you” and it just didnt snap into place, like the great movies do, it felt like a messy american version of “Love actually” with out the christmas, and the coherence. Plus, it was very difficult to admire how hot Jennifer Aniston was, when she was on screen with Ben Affleck, seriously, you gotta mix that shit out, and spread out the sexyness, dont lump it all into one story line, cause then I dont give a shit about any of the other ones. I should have gone to see that Shopaholic movie.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed your valentines day, and didnt buy into it all too much. Remember when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, its just another day, if your alone, your alone, just cause the town is painted red, doesnt mean you should get bummed about. And if your not alone, dont forget that its just another day, and if you love someone, you love them every day anyways, dont save it all for one day, tell them often, this shit goes by fast, and if its important to you, say it, even if you cant, show em, show em every day, thats all you can do, but you dont have too just cause the commercials tell you. Its just another day.

So last night, I watched Made of Honor, to satisfy my lust for the chick flick, and it was pretty much exactly what you expected, which means it was awesome, it stars the sexy Dr from Grey’s Anatomy, you know, Patrick Dempsey, ok, all the Dr’s on that show are hot, which is probably why its a believable show, actually, come to think of it, this movie has TWO Dr’s from the Grey’s in it, as it also has Kevin McKidd, who was on TV’s Journeyman, which ironically enough, in this movie, he was playing a Scottish person, and he is actually Scottish, and his accent sounds fake to me borderline comical, since Ive really only seen him do the American accent. Anyways, good movie, entertaining to say the least.

This morning, I woke up and watched The Incredible Hulk, the new one with Edward Norton, which was actually an incredible peice of shit, it did NOTHING for me, I actually found myself surfing the internets during the big finale, I just didnt give any kind of shit about it. They really gotta stop making these movies, at least the first one had some very innovative editing styles.

I checked my local arthouse theater, cause I felt like going to See Slumdog Millionaire, and there was a showing a few mins after I looked, so I hopped in the batmobile, and headed down to see it, one thing I really enjoyed, was the fact that the mens room at this theater always smells like skittles, which is much better than a bathroom that smells like shittles. Oh yeah, the movie was really good, I dont know if its really what I would call a “best picture” type of film, but it was vastly better than Benjamin Button, and it really has its momemts where it gets to you, I got a little teary eyed a couple times. I really related to it in a few ways, we both grew up in the slums of india, and competed for million of dollars on national television. What was that ? My producers are telling me that has never happened to me. Oh well, what are you gonna do.

On the way home, I stopped at Straight from New York Pizza and got a couple Slices of Za. Its a complete scam, the pizza may look like NY pizza, but it sure as shit, is NOT a true slice of NY ZA. It was offensive, the bro’s down at Sammy’s in Ithaca would be saddened by this shit, they should rename it to Straigh from go fuck your self pizza. Oh, I was watching Bee Movie when I ate my pizza, it was on HBO when I turned the TV on, and I never got around to changing it, it had its moments, and there were many many jokes, which were totally not for kids, it ended, and the super bowl was getting ready to start so I shut my TV off and hopped in the batmobile again.

Went back down to the theater, and checked out The Wrestler. Mickey Rourke, busts out a very strong preformance in this movie, which aside from being a juiced up wrestler, I really related too as well, he was a very likeable charismatic guy, who just didnt like himself, its the type of role that really makes you think about all the mistakes you’ve made, and all the past regrets, and makes you want to set them right. Really good movie, which at times was somewhat difficult to watch, but its well worth your time. Rourke should get the Oscar for it, he was exceptional.

Speaking of Oscar Nominated movies, I came home and watched Surfer, Dude, a direct to DVD movie Starring Matthew McAbsnehey, it was a very stupid movie, but I have a deep obsession with surfing films, so I enjoyed the hell out of it. There were some good laughs, thats for sure.

Well thats about it for me, I think Im gonna read a little bit, and then hit the sack, another week of work lined up ready to rock and roll. Peace.

Speaking of TV sucking, The Unit is really putting its head up its own ass this season, and Im losing my ability to laugh at the office, probably because it hits way to close to home, I just dont enjoy it anymore, it was fun for a while, but I think Im over it as well. Dirty Sexy Money got cancelled, and frankly I would like to meet the man who pulled the plug on that show, cause I want to eat a bunch of doritos and sugar free chocolate and mail him a tupperware full of my own doo doo.

I just saw a commerical for a Chia Pet Obama head. Which is just disturbing. Speaking of Obama, my god its a relief knowing that we dont have a coked up buffoon running our country like the fucktards who run Lost. Who would have thought that his greatest acheivement as president, would be fucking up so badly, that he paved the way for Obama’s rise to political stardom. Thank you Bush, one of your fuck ups finally worked out, took eight goddamn years, but it finally worked out for ya, nice assist.

Oscar nominations came out today, and yes, I was up early, so I could get the info as soon as it happened, even though I havent seen, nor do I plan on seeing many of this years films. Heath Ledger got nominated, which is all I really cared about, and maybe its a sign, but the nomination came exactly 1 year to the day of his passing. Though in a shocking turn of events, he is gonna be going up against Robert Downey JR in tropic thunder, which is pretty damned cool that they nominated that role. Other than that, there wasnt really much of anything that was a shock, or anything that I really cared about.

Fran Dresher wants to be a US Senator ? Thats probably not gonna happen.

Well Im gonna put on Grey’s Anatomy, and spend 43 mins not being pissed off at how crappy a TV show is, and actually enjoying quality programming. Peace out.

So after years, and years trials and tribulations (novel version in the works(not of this blog, of my dating adventures)), in the insane world of the opposite sex, and having all but given up, to rise and venture out futher once more, to be completely shut down on numerous attempts in the magically depressing world of “online dating” which is a lot like and online version of that old game Guess Who, where people look at your picture and message and think, yep his nose is shaped right, but the glasses dont look right, and the cleft in his chin is off, they click your picture and you flip down, never to be seen again untill someone else flips the board over, and your up for the judging once more. Ok, honestly I did not come here today, to compare dating, to that game, but thats pretty good, and I guess it is valid for online dating, but thats not why Im here typing at a manaical pace cause I dig where my idea is going, I want to talk about dating, as I have seen it, and try to describe it all using the world that JRR Tolkien created for us all to enjoy all those years ago, Middle Earth.

Marriage, is like getting the ring all the way to the cracks of mount doom, I can see the end result, but I have no idea how to get there, and I know that its been a fucked up road so far, but its gotta only get crazier, and more intense, as I creep through into Mordor, and up the slopes of the firey mountain. So that makes everything else in middle earth, the aspects that come into play as we are walking around the plennor fields, trying in the adventures of dating.

The journey is long, and it is destined to fail, and when it comes down to it there isnt but a “fools hope” for the ending that everyone wants, but the odds are so stacked against it, that it seems impossible, yet you still throw everything you’ve got into it, cause its your last hurrah ya know, your last stand at Helm’s Deep, except in dating there is no wizard led army that is going to come down the slopes, you’re just constantly out there, usually with out your armor, trying not to get an arrow in your neck, or a sword through your gut, although you could make a case that you want to get hit with the arrow, but thats cupid, and frankly I dont remember a Cupid in the Lord of the Rings.

You’ve got your friends, the fellowship that are there, and have your back, and will do almost anything to help you along the way, even if it seems like there isnt a shot in hell, they dont give a shit, and they will go through the mines of moria with ya, just to help you get where you need to go, and where you want to be. Then you’ve got your ex girlfriends, who are clearly Gollum/Smeagol, now Im not saying all women are two faced, Im just saying that the women I have dated tended to be very split personality disordered, and It wasnt cool, just like Gollum, they know exactly when and how to say the right things that only I would believe, but everyone else is sitting back is going, “DUDE!! she is just gonna smash your head like a fish and then eat your guts, at the bottom of a waterfall, bathed in cinematic moonlight.”

Its tough to find a good woman, it really is, they are like the Elves, only problem is, they are getting on the damned ships to the Grey Havens every fucking day, their numbers are dwindling, and the whole time your trying to find your prefect wood elf, you’ve got Orcs and Fell Beasts coming at you from every angle, and you are running out ways to avoid their attacks, and every now and then, a gollum comes along and plays ping pong ball with your emotions for several years, and then you are right back to where you started, back at Bag End, and you look to the southeast, and see the good old Mt Doom, laughing at you, taunting you for even trying. Yet for some unknown seemingly controling your every actions you begin to take a step closer to the mountain once again, hmmm kinda sounds like the effects of being a ringbearer doesnt it.

Like how my step brother can have a genuinely shocked look on his face with wet pants, he was sure the ice would hold.. It did not.

Robert Downey Jr Needs to put more music out, cause his work on the KKBB soundtrack is flat out amazing. Broken, wow, seriously, give it a listen.

My brother shaved his fucking head to go as a balding UPS man one year for halloween, the fucking balls that would take to pull off at such a young age, my god man.

There were some sleazy late 90’s mustaches flowing quite freely back in the day. You all know who you are.

I just saw a picture and at this angle with out my new awesome glasses on, there is a picture, and its either Andy, James, or Barry Pepper, I cant tell. Where are my glasses lol.

I remember than blanket, that blanket fucking rocked!!

Ha a picture of me explaining a tattoo to one of my cousins on some tropical island somewhere.

I miss those islands. I gotta get on another cruise ship. “I gotta get on a cruise ship and proooove shit” What ever that really means.

Oh the Ithaca girls and my brother, I remember smoking cigs in the living room watching the mighty ducks 3 at like three am. There was no smoking in that house.

Sean, your high school graduation photo, is fucking epic.

Yes I have a scented candle burning, why thank you for asking.

Holy shit, so many memories of how eccentric my little brother was growing up, he wore nothing but safeway shirts for at least a year, that shirtless gunman pic is hilarious and classicly white trashed up, its funny I remember all these oddites about you from the past, and how it probably pissed me off when I was growing up, it turns out you were just a real badass, kudos sir, well played.

James and I young, still smoking proudly, but now we hold the camels with much more prestige and distinction. Its glorious really.

I have never seen the picture of my step dad with a live crab in his mouth.

I really enjoy Johnny Cash’s late works, when he was singing other peoples shit, fuckin brilliant, listen to Gordon Lightfoot’s “If you could read my mind”, it will blow you mind, thats for sure.

So many gradtuation photos on here, I dread the appearance of mine.

Oh man, the lake in orlando, right next to the pool with the bar. Damn.

DAMN thats a big jesse.

Christof, you always did love the cake. CAKE EATER.

Yes, that was ANOTHER Mighty Ducks reference.

Frozen gutters with red and white lights, and icicles, looks like a big glowy candy cane…mmmmm…

Ahh the suttle lake cabin…the night the bat blog was born.

Nice, pics from the natural bridges from this summer, love that place. Its like swimming through a cave. Cause its a cave, that you kinda swim through.

Oh how facial hair changes, Ive seen some interesting things from myself over these last few minutes.

I really wanna go walk through central park again.

Ugh really mom, pictures of President Bush ? Even if there is family in there, do you really think I wanna see that wee evil little man ?

Oh I look so pissed off to be in a tie…fuming mad, tough life kid. Sheesh. I was 22-23. Wow Im ashamed.

My uncle and the Affleck, much better than W.

Hobbit jesse!!!!

Well I think thats about it, there are still more pics….

WOW There is one of James and Lindsay, doing this nice pose, and in the back ground Jeff and I are both making some twisted faces. Priceless, anyways, Im done for the night, Hope all is well with everyone.

If I was better at this blogging crap I would have put pictures up too, but that would have required a ton of effort and a trip to fred myers.

Thanks for the gift ma, its awesome!!!