Mad Movie Guy

Now, its no secret of mine that I hate spiders. I feel they are completely un ….. I also believe spiders to be incontrivertable edvidence that there is no god, why would someone so devine place billions of little satans, just to run around and strike fear into the hearts of all his children. Now of course, if my early calculations are correct on my Spider-Based Cold Fusion Theory, to paraphrase Elizabeth Shue in the 1997 award winning masterpiece “The Saint” (Paramount pictures, Directed by Phillip Noyce, with a run time of 118 mins(this shit is in my head, no joke)) “Imagine, running your car for a million miles on a gallon of spider corpses” now if that happens, I would be hard pressed to say there is no god, cause I would be richer than shit. Now thats not the point of why I started typing. Which is something I tend to lose track of. Sometimes I sit down to write having thought of a single line, or a single joke that I wanted to crack, and end up completely forgetting to use it. Like my last blog, about the gay marraiage thing. Initially, out of distain for lack of options with the opposite sex drove me too the line “If Im not bobbing for cock by halloween, Im gonna be seriously depressed” now personally I think thats funny, and Im kinda bummed that I didnt get to use it in its inteneted context. Which is a problem I have to deal with regularly. Which brings me to the point. I hope.

So I was driving home from my moms house, and I felt a bit parched, so I thought I would head into the Kwik Stop, and get myself a tasty beverage for the rest of the drive home. I pulled into the oh so familiar parking lot, and turned off my car, which I never do in salem, but I was in a particularly rough part of Independence, and while I dont give a fuck if my car gets stolen, I have two iPods and probably 12 DVDs scattered across the back seat, and I’ve had DVDs stolen out of a car before, and It wasnt the best feeling in the world knowing that some of your kids are out there, cold and hungry, in some strangers house, who may not take proper care of them, or may not put them next to DVDs they belong with.

I was sitting on my couch, watching The Assasination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford, minding my own fucking business, when all of a sudden, came confidently strolling up my hand made Blazers blanket, and stared me down, this was not to be an ordinary battle with spiders. This was a spider that had been watching me, obsessing about me, and ultimately desiring to be me, and since he knew he could not, he came at me on this rainy febuary morning, and looked me in the eyes, and calmly looks me in the eyes, and says “Your gonna die bitch”

Hey gang, I know its been a while, Im working on getting my new place all set up, and I have been having epic battles with my internet connection, I think I finally dominated it, you know like the end of the movie 300 epic ass whopping, anyways, Im back on the internets where I belong.

Sorry about the delay there, I just walked away from my computer for a bit to watch the Blazers pull out a stunning victory, down 19 in the third, they abused the hawks, and played like the team they have been in the past in the final quarter. Unreal, Brandon Roy is a Basketball god, and we ended up winning by one point.

Im gonna try and cover a ton of ground today, even though I really should be in bed, I know for a fact, I wont be able to fall asleep anytime soon, Ive got too much on my mind, so I have to expunge it. Lets get right the fuck into it shall we.

DVD shelf